Stardew Valley as a metaphor for fatigue

Spoon theory is often used by people with chronic illness to describe their fatigue and the limitations on what they can get done in a day. It was coined by Christine Miserandino to describe to a friend what it was like living with lupus. The general idea is that each person has a certain number of spoons each day, and each thing they want to do takes spoons. Laundry, showering, eating, working, everything takes a spoon to do, and going over your spoons for the day means taking some from the next day. It’s important to ration energy for the really important things.

Everyone’s experience with chronic illness and disability is different, of course. I’ve seen people use a lot of different metaphors similar to spoon theory that they feel fit them better. Personally, I think of my fatigue like the energy bar in the game Stardew Valley.

Stardew Valley energy

Stardew Valley is a farming role-playing game, something of a cross between Minecraft and Harvest Moon. You play as a character who takes over their grandpa’s farm after he passes away and you get sick of corporate life. There are a lot of options for you to do every day: planting crops, fishing, mining, clearing land, taking care of animals, and more. Everything you do requires energy, though, and you have a limited energy bar every day.

Every morning when you wake up, your energy is refilled. Eating also refills it some. When you run out of energy, though, your character becomes exhausted, and anything you try to do is done at half speed. Walking seems to be in slow motion, and any action you try takes much longer. Trying to get anywhere while exhausted is exasperating, especially if you’re trying to get to bed before staying up late makes it worse. Because if you exhaust yourself or stay up too late, your energy bar doesn’t fill up all the way overnight. And if you keep working once your exhausted, you might even pass out.

Exhaustion in Stardew Valley works a lot like my fatigue. When I reach my limit for the day, it’s like moving through molasses. Doing too much while I’m fatigued means less energy for the next day.

Luckily, in Stardew Valley, you can always see exactly what level your energy is at. Do I always pay attention to it, though? No. Sometimes it comes as a complete surprise when my character becomes exhausted, even though I should know better. And that’s exactly what my fatigue is like in real life: playing Stardew Valley with the energy bar covered.

Real life fatigue

When I’m having a bad arthritis flare, there’s always a chance I’ll hit a point and feel like I’m going forward with weights attached to my body. It could be two in the afternoon or eight at night, but when it hits, it hits hard. It’s like I’m moving through molasses to get anywhere and do anything, just like in the game. Even breathing feels like it’s requiring actual effort, as though the air is thicker. My brain runs at half speed.

via GIPHY

Sure, I can technically do anything I want. It will just take at least twice as long. And the next day, my energy bar won’t be filled all the way, so I’ll be able to do even less before the fatigue hits. Eating or napping might feel like a solution, but afterward, the fatigue is still there.

Fatigued isn’t just tired

The fatigue people with chronic illness face can be impossible for others to understand. It’s not just being tired. My partner once teasingly asked if I was high when I had to repeatedly ask what each string on my bass was, something I knew. But I couldn’t retain what he was saying, and my brain couldn’t work fast enough to remember what I already knew. Needless to say, that music session wasn’t very productive. In fact, fatigue is one of the most debilitating aspects of life with autoimmune disease.

It can be really hard to accept that I’ve hit my limit for the day. It can also be really hard for others to understand that it’s not negotiable. I can’t just try harder when my energy is at zero. It’s also not something I would pretend—I hate so much when I can’t get done what I planned to do. It can be hard to admit I can’t get something done and harder to admit it’s not my fault.

I’ve had a list for the past week that includes writing projects, speedrunning goals, and household chores, but all I’ve been able to do is get through work before fatigue strikes. I didn’t do anything wrong, and I can’t just try harder to fix it. I can’t predict when my plans will be canceled, so I can’t plan around it. When chronic illness becomes our normal, it can be hard to remember that other people face none of this. I have to let myself off the hook sometimes and not measure myself by outside standards.

I’m jealous of my diabetic partner’s ability to have a number that definitively shows he’s not okay when he checks his blood sugar. A number can’t be argued with. It would be so much easier if we each had an energy bar that we could show people (and ourselves) to prove we’ve hit our limits!

Maybe that’s in our future. Who knows! In the meantime, maybe Stardew Valley can help the people in our lives understand how truly devastating fatigue is.

-Bri

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